20200825 WRITING - DAY 19

"Who the heck was I to offer advice?

"Then I started hearing about other bloggers who were considered experts in their fields.  I found out many of them didn't start out as experts either.  Instead, they just started asking questions.  They started poking and probing and finding answers to their burning questions.  They shared the questions they were asking and the answers they found.  They took their readers along on their journey of discovery."

                                                                            -   Jeff Goins, YOU ARE A WRITER, page 61

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Here's my list of subjects:

1. 👌RIGHT WRITE (rather, WRITE RIGHT) (or, WRITING RIGHT)
2. 👌Why didn't I ever have a dream?
3. 👌Dr. Pruitt
4. 👌Travels with Ancel
5. 👌Why are there ants on my arms and legs, and in my bed???????
6. 👌How I became a Democrat
7. 👌When did I give up my identity?

I might add more later.  But I'm thinking about just vomiting out words about each one of these, one a day, for a week.  At least it'll give me some sense of whether they're are viable subjects for me.

8.  Die Barbara

9.  Life is a series of mysteries - large and small.  

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WHEN DID I GIVE UP MY IDENTITY?

This is not a simple subject.  I'd venture to suggest that all human beings, sometime soon after becoming human beings, begin to form a self-identity.  I was no different.  (HA!)

So as I began to develop body and mind and personality, I soon learned that there were forces FOR my progress, and other forces AGAINST my progress.  Having pretty much no idea how to proceed, I merely met the challenges and learning opportunities one and a time, one day at a time, and tried to avoid being ridiculed or rejected due to my choices.

And then there was this huge religious influence:  Mormonism.  I grew up in a Mormon household.  I learned quickly enough to be proud of it, to boast to non-Mormons that it was the only true church, and eventually to teach it to others (in France).

But what I now see is that Mormonism had stolen/was still stealing my identity.  This is quite tricky since some argue that there is plenty of room within Mormonism to be in touch with your identity.  But there is not.  They seek to homogenize almost every aspect of life, and add that we should all follow the dictates of our leaders, who have access to the living God.

Even if that were true, I innocently gave up a huge part of my identity over those Mormon years.  It was, I now see, a time of giving up.  Of laziness.  Of pseudo-spiritual living.  Of high expectations and faking  a lot of the results.

In short, my identity was murdered by Mormonism.  And I am to blame.

So now, since life is a series of one-way streets, I cannot correct what I did to myself, and what they did to me.  I can simply start over, and strive to develop some sort of unique identity that I can own.

Where to start such a process is beyond me.

Many of my family, friends and associates think of me as "the most sane" of people they know; as "a wise and ancient soul;" and as "the kindest person they've ever met."

So however distorted my identity process might have been, there are yet some aspects that ARE unique to me.  At least, there are ... IF I can believe others.

So what questions am I asking about my identity right now?

1. What IS a person's "identity?"
2. How much control does one have over the development/evolution of one's identity?
3. What factors count when deciding what to do about developing one's identity.
4. How important is it to write this list of questions?

I do not have any credentials for making my way through these and other related questions.  But I AM an expert in the life of Ken Taylor.  I DO remember things that could possibly help me with the future development of my identity.  And I CAN write well enough to try making sense of my Past, Present & Future identity.