20200829 WRITING - DAY 23 (READING WRITING NUMBER 2)

Today, I read aloud what I wrote a few weeks back:


**********


 Here's my list of subjects:


  1. đź‘ŚRIGHT WRITE (rather, WRITE RIGHT) (or, WRITING RIGHT)
  2. Why didn't I ever have a dream?
  3. Dr. Pruitt
  4. Travels with Ancel
  5. Why are there ants on my arms and legs, and in my bed???????
  6. How I became a Democrat
  7. When did I give up my identity?
I might add more later.  But I'm thinking about just vomiting out words about each one of these, one a day, for a week.  At least it'll give me some sense of whether they are viable subjects for me.

8.  Die Barbara

9.  Life is a series of mysteries - large and small.  


********************

WHY DIDN'T I EVER DREAM??

(I think this moment is a moment of truth as far as writing goes.  Why?  Because I'm here, in front of my "typewriter" and this subject has come up, and I don't know what to write - yet.  But if I walk away because I don't know what to write, then I've "given in."  If I stay and write, I might do the following:

1.  Develop more writing skills.

2.  Figure out why I never dreamed.

3.  Be clearer on what/who I am to this point.

4.  Have a clearer vision of how I'm going to live/dream from here on.

We shall see, shalln't we?)


Here goes:

A.  Spontaneous thoughts/writing about dreams.

For as long as I can remember, people have talked about life's dreams.  They, whom I define as "the rest of the world," or "everyone who isn't me," say things like "my life-long dream is to become a lounge singer," or "I have wanted to become an astronaut since I was 5 years old."

Well, not me.  I had no such ideas or thoughts.  About anything.  And now, in my "later years," I'm looking back on my life and asking myself why not? (meaning "why didn't I?")

I'd guess that most people, including me, have the experiences of choosing.  Short-term:  I want to watch The Carol Burnett Show tonight.  Mid-range:  I want to remodel my apartment.  But what about the long-term, life-long goals/dreams?  I don't ever remember saying anything like "I want to become an astronaut."

Why not? (meaning "why didn't I?")

I tend to settle on the idea that I generally followed the LDS thinking that it didn't really matter what I might choose - my situation and God will combine to lead me to what I'm "supposed to do."

WHAT????  "What I'm supposed to do?"  That's a poor substitute for a life-long dream.  Decisions about what to do in life are tricky.  They might occur on one day, in one moment.  Or they might take years, to wake up to.  But here I go - trying to cover ALL the bases, when I think it's more productive for me to focus on me, and my experience, along with my thoughts/ideas/dreams(!) about the future that I still have.

Right now, I'm wondering if this is a good idea, to address my lack of a lifelong dream.  I sense that it'll just end in my being/thinking the same way as I did yesterday.  But I don't really know.

**********

Right now, writing this feels like driving a car through some deep, sloggy mud, and not getting anywhere while spinning the tires.

(taking a break)

While taking a break, I turned on the news.  WHAT A MESS!!  Trump has successfully disrupted the US Postal Service, to the point that the election is not free & fair.  It's really a nightmare.

I really don't know what to do or say or write right now.

(another break until tomorrow)


B.  Outline

a.  Introduction

b.  When I was a young boy - messages

c.  When I made decisions on where to go to school, what major, etc.

d.  When life brought me various opportunities - I didn't create them, they just came to me.

e.  Looking back

f.  Retirement

g.  Now what?

C.  Formal writing

(not ready to begin this today)

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